Choosing

Like any uncharted territory I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like you have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
Alanis

She's not sure if she sends mixed signals of if people simply see what they wish was there.
She's at this weird point where choosing is a must because the three of them can co-exist no longer.
One's been around for much longer, is charming and chilverous and reminds her of her dad. She missed him terribly when he was suddenly no longer in her life, and was elated when he reappeared just as suddenly as he had left.
The other came into her life when she least expected him. If she had a type, he certainly wasn't it, but she fell, and kept falling...for all of the little things and the sporadic timing with which he did them. They're happy, she thinks, and when she looks in to her future, it is him she sees.
She had always wanted them to be friends, but knows this is next to impossible, even though they've never met.
They both want a small part of her, and it's something that can't possibly be shared.
So now she sits, knowing her heart made the choice long ago, but not wanting to inflict the pain that will come from consciously pushing one away.
So to the one who will involuntarily leave her life, know that it is best for both of you. What was mistaken for black was just a brief glimpse of grey...an effort to recover the friendship that once was, only her heart now knows it was never as innocent as she thought. The two of you were never purely white - everyone around you knew it, and deep down inside, you did too. She will always wonder about you, whether or not she ends up with him, and she knows you will wonder about her, too. For now, that's all the strength she needs to not return your calls.

When she says she wants someone to love
I hope you know she doesn't mean you.
Howie Day