If I got hit by a bus tomorrow I would not be happy with the way I spent today.
In fact, I would be pretty damn mad because 90% of this semester...emotionally, academically, and financially...has been preparing for next year.
Something needs to change but living completely for today would pretty much ruin the chances I had at kicking ass in the next phase of my life.
I need the piece of paper that tells the world I'm qualified to do what I already know I can do - teach little kids.
Balance balance balance.
It's something I've never been very good at.
I wake up each day and think, get through today and you're closer to tomorrow, which is closer to the end of the week, which is closer to the end of the semester, and on and on and on.
The hair dryer turns off, signaling my turn in the bathroom and I get up.
Not because I want to...not even because I have to. I could quit if I wanted. I get up because...well...I don't know why. I guess because the mom voice in my head says it's what I'm supposed to do.
Ugh - what I would give to not feel so freaking restless.
In fact, I would be pretty damn mad because 90% of this semester...emotionally, academically, and financially...has been preparing for next year.
Something needs to change but living completely for today would pretty much ruin the chances I had at kicking ass in the next phase of my life.
I need the piece of paper that tells the world I'm qualified to do what I already know I can do - teach little kids.
Balance balance balance.
It's something I've never been very good at.
I wake up each day and think, get through today and you're closer to tomorrow, which is closer to the end of the week, which is closer to the end of the semester, and on and on and on.
The hair dryer turns off, signaling my turn in the bathroom and I get up.
Not because I want to...not even because I have to. I could quit if I wanted. I get up because...well...I don't know why. I guess because the mom voice in my head says it's what I'm supposed to do.
Ugh - what I would give to not feel so freaking restless.
posted by Julie @ 9:13 PM
1 Comments:
At 3:44 PM ,
Angela said...
Yea...And you spend your evenings and weekends preparing for someone else's class. Reading, reading, research, research...All the while thinking about how cool it will be some day to have your own classroom where you do things your way on your timeline. Oh, shit, you forgot that assignment. Well, I guess it's up until midnight again tonight. And you'll have to turn your friends down tomorrow because the morning after they're all going out you have a stupid standardized exam to take at 8 a.m. A standardized exam that can prevent you from getting that silly piece of paper, but yet doesn't even begin to test what you know or are capable of as a teacher.
Next week: Begin again.
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