You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
James Blunt

This song makes me cry no matter how much I hear it. I can't imagine leaving him, yet the song begins and I picture it - my car packed...hugging him for the last time and throwing away 2 and a half years of loving someone for a dream I've had since I was a little girl.
Dreams coming true should feel like Disneyland. That's what I always thought...but I get a box from TFA and it sits, unopened, for at least a couple of days. It's filled with reminders that I will be leaving all too soon to a world without him...
It would be completely different if I knew he would be there, too. Together we'd count down the days...look for apartments and plan weekends full of new coffee shops and independent movies. But the money isn't there, the job isn't there...the future...for him...isn't there, and yet we spend every moment we can together and pretend that the first of June is lifetimes away.
If I hadn't already deferred I would consider doing it...not for him, but for us. He would never ask me to and it's not an option now.
Somebody sent me my dream in a letter from FedEx and it's time to muster up the courage to chase it.
I would give almost anything to know that he would be there too and that the dreaded goodbye will never have to happen.