Choices

I need time to think...lots and lots of time. Time to remember how things were and how we wanted them to be and how, one way or another, all of that brought us here.
Every moment is another decision. Stay or go. Call or don't call. Love or don't love.
There are things that need to be decided not now, not tomorrow, but with time and laughter and conversation and tears. It's a process, getting to where ever we end up, and we'll experience it together.
We have 7 months before I leave, so for now it's time to take a break.
No conversations for a few days.
Time for me to get lost in being here. The routine of school and home and work bring a numbness that's comforting. Get lost in myself and remember what it was like without him...
Focus on today instead of yesterday or tomorrow.
Me instead of us.
Surface instead of complicated depth.
Not for always...but for now.