Distance

In This Life

You can run from me you can hide from me but I am right beside you in this life.

I'll give you all the things that I never get, give you all I have and have no regret

Take you to the places that I've never been, forgive you all the things that you cant forget

Take away the pain with my healing hands, wash away your sins and set your spirit free

You can run from me, you can hide from me but I am right beside you in this life.

Let me show you what I'm made of

Chantal Kreviazuk

Flying Home

Its hard to let you go, you've always let me in

And helped with all the endings and you know where to begin

I need you here for me cause you always know my heart

I cant believe we'd change

Chantal Kreviazuk

Some may say I use too many song lyrics on here but it's a gift that I admire and simply don't have - the ability to put thoughts into music and lyrics that other people can identify with and get meaning out of.

I've had people tell me that some of my posts are too personal, and for a while I agreed. I took down some of the 'controversial' stuff - ideas that I wasn't ready to share with just anyone. Who knows, maybe I'll take down this one in the morning...I often do that. I'm struggling with what to journal about and what to blog about, and sometimes the line gets grey and I post things I maybe shouldn't, but the blogs that I learn the most from are the ones that are personal and if other people can learn from my mistakes, by all means, go for it.

Long distance relationships are difficult, but they are not impossible. What I'm realizing is that I often blame distance rather than admit that there are differences between us that maybe can't be worked out. It's easier to say, "this isn't working because you moved away" than it is to say "this isn't working because we're changing" or "this isn't working because we're not putting time in to it." The fact is that it's not the distance - it's us. Even if he was sitting beside me on the couch right now it wouldn't change the fact that we are going in different directions. Not so much different roads, but he's walking and stopping to enjoy the scenery. I'm in a plane overhead, wanting nothing more than for him to come and join me, but knowing that there's something about flying that just isn't him.

The solution seems simple - walk away and pursue our own goals. It doesn't work like that. We could blame it on committment, or the fact that 'we've been through a lot.' You could say that we're 'invested' - I have his tv, his vcr, his dvd player...but they're not reasons...they're excuses. The real thing that won't enable me to let go of him is love. It's not being dependent on him for happiness or affection or anything else - it's that I care about him and can't imagine spending my life with anyone but him. So where does that leave us? On a 'break', where I'm constantly waiting for the phone wanting him to call but he doesn't - because I told him not to.