This Is My Life, It's Not What It Was Before

I need to learn to accept change that is not voluntary. I cannot always predict or control my life. For someone who has always had a plan and stopped at nothing to follow through with it, this is a hard lesson to learn. I long for the past - for last fall...weekend parties, dancing on the ledge, playing twister with Jake - at the same time I long for the spring...lots of time with Brandon, feeling comfortable and in a routine with Senate. I look at life now and it seems crazy - like Senate is going to be constantly overwhelming, like I will never get caught up in my classes, and that it will be forever until I see Brandon. I know that looking back, this semester will be something I long for. I forget how crazy last fall was and how I hated being hung over all the time - how spring made me feel insane because I was coaching. In hindsight, I remember only the good things, when in reality the good things are only good because they are a contrast from everyday life. I read the other day that only in hindsight does life make sense - unfortunately, we must live it forward. The lesson of being content with my life now is one I need to learn...I will work on it.