Countdown
Two more days and he will be here. Tuesday he leaves, and the countdown starts again. I'm tired of living life for the next time I see him - the next time we can share the everyday things most people take for granted. I know other people in long distance relationships who like the miles between them because it fosters independence. From the day he drove away in May I've never felt that. I tell myself it could be worse - we could be days apart - oceans apart - but that offers no comfort. I'm bitter, and jealous...emotions I'm not used to feeling. Jealous of people who can have dates whenever they want - sleepover whenever they want. Frustrated with people who have never spent time apart from their 'significant other', and wondering why we have to. I've always believed that things happen for a reason and I'm sure when we're together again I will be thankful for the lessons we learned from the distance but right now I'm not.
Everyday I think about leaving - not quitting the journey but changing the route. Still achieving the things I want to achieve but not here, and maybe not now. I've followed my head for the last 21 years and now all I want is to listen to my heart, not to give in to a spontaneous impulse, but end the constant ache that has become such a big part of me.
I thank God for my friends and the support I have in them. They allow me to justify staying here - they are the comfort my heart finds even when I've ignored it completely and done what my head tells me to do. How I wish this was getting easier....but it's not so for now I find comfort in the countdown...43 hours, 15 minutes.
Everyday I think about leaving - not quitting the journey but changing the route. Still achieving the things I want to achieve but not here, and maybe not now. I've followed my head for the last 21 years and now all I want is to listen to my heart, not to give in to a spontaneous impulse, but end the constant ache that has become such a big part of me.
I thank God for my friends and the support I have in them. They allow me to justify staying here - they are the comfort my heart finds even when I've ignored it completely and done what my head tells me to do. How I wish this was getting easier....but it's not so for now I find comfort in the countdown...43 hours, 15 minutes.
posted by Julie @ 7:45 PM
5 Comments:
At 1:40 AM ,
Anonymous said...
you may be jealous of those who have their significant others right there. but do consider yourself lucky, there are many others who have not found their significant other. be happy, life is short.
At 2:52 PM ,
Angela said...
If I could go back and redo my separation from the man I love, I would let go of a lot. I would let go of the jealousy. I would let go of the disbelief. I would let go of the fear. I would let go of the anguish. I would believe him more when he told me that he was hurting too. I would use phone conversations as a time to get to know each other and to spend time loving each other rather than as a time for arguments and spite. As I look back at it now, it's difficult for me to believe that those two people were us. Now we're dealing with all that went on and we're trying to heal the resentment and the insecurities. It's coming along. Good luck to you and Brandon. I hope this little visit together is amazing and filled with wonderful things that you can carry with you during the next separation.
At 11:47 PM ,
Froyd said...
happy birthday...TO YOU!
At 11:02 AM ,
Laura said...
It honestly is frustrating and sometimes hurts when i hear so much about how lucky everyone is when they are with their significant other and you can't be. I know what it is like to have a long distance relationship and many people have had them that you don't even know about... I've had 3.. and one was states apart and the other oceans. They suck, I agree, but if you both want it to work it will.. in my cases is was me.. i didn't want them to work. Now that I've found one that I do want to work, please try to stop telling me that I've never had any hard experiences, with other relationships AND with this one. Because no matter how close or far you are to the one you love, it's NEVER perfect, no matter what. Thanks and I love you. Please try to remember that.
At 3:26 PM ,
Julie said...
Sorry if you felt that was directed at you - it wasn't. I was simply being honest with myself and with people who read this (most of whom are close friends). Please keep in mind that this was on snippet of a day and of our relationship that, at the time, I wanted to share. If it offended you, it wasn't meant to, and I apologize.
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