The transition from relationship back to a friendship that we never really had is hard and filled with grey. Sometimes it's easy to be his friend. Other times all I want to do is curl up against his chest and hear his heart beat. He's worse at it than I am, and his desire to hold my hand is stronger than our desire to walk away from the parts of our relationship that are hard.
Being away made me remember how badly I do not want to stay here. I've had a great 4 years here and met incredible people that will remain in my life forever, but my plan was not to stay, period.
His plan isn't to stay here, but it's not to go where I am going, and it took him a year to tell me that. I don't think that either one of us would ever be happy living the other person's dream, and I'm not willing to sacrifice. There are people that share my passions and my dreams. He is not one of them. He is an incredible person who could do amazing things if he would only learn to see in himself the things that I see in him.
I don't know if it's over...I don't know if it will ever be over...but it's changing because neither one of us can live like this any more. I'm going to go chase my dreams and pray that he will too.