I don't think I can handle this any more. Being here. Being away from him. He invaded what I had made for myself and I got used to it, I liked it, and now it isn't complete without him.
Teach for America was my last option, for next year at least. Now it seems like the escape that I so desperately need.
I don't want to go somewhere out of a need to escape, but it's why I came here and the past four years couldn't have been better. On one hand I feel like I need to learn how to be completely content with where I am, and on the other hand I want to learn from whatever it is the restlessness has to teach me.
Part of my need to leave is my lack of connections here - my lack of escape here. Being gone hurt my friendships. I feel disconnected and replaced...by boys, work, homework...life. I miss living in a house with roomates who were around at the same time I was. I'm gone all day, they're gone all night, and I'm left feeling lonely. They don't really know what's going on with me, and I don't really know what's going on with them.
I miss everything about this time last year and I want so desperately to live for now and appreciate now but it's hard...much harder than it should be and it makes me want to move on.