Things are hazy today. Amy is physically okay - that was a huge relief.
But it doesn't make that feeling in the pit of my stomach go away. I remember watching Columbine on a TV in our high school bandroom. People were crying and upset - I couldn't understand what the big deal was - yeah it was sad, but it was far away. School shootings since then have brought up similar emotions. It's the same report, the same shots of students and teachers comforting one another, the same sirens. This time it was different. It was the same shots, the same report, but this time it was at home. This time I was connected to people there. This time it's right before I will be in my own classroom. This time I can't shake the feeling that this is supposed to tell me something. I don't know what it is, but I can't stop thinking about it. "Does this make you not want to be in education?" Brandon asked.
"No," I immediately replied. It doesn't, but there's a feeling in my head that wasn't there before...almost a need to go now. A need to make a difference now, because I've been reminded just how short life can be.
It hit a little too close to home and it just keeps hitting - I keep thinking about Amy and what she's going through and want so badly to be the one that is there for her, even though I know she's surrounded by people who understand what she's going through much more than I do. My need to comfort her is selfish, but it's there all the same.
3 more hours and I'll be ready to leave - to drive...think...and be at Brandon's. Today it's what I need - his arms around me...then time with my family. Time to process...