Movin Too Fast

Restless and overwhelmed - my to do list is getting shorter...not a lot, but some. The absense of tasks only make me feel like I'm forgetting something. Feeling over-committed - like I'm succeeding at nothing and failing everyone. I'm not giving enough to Senate, school, Brandon, my family, or my friends...everyone is getting a little piece but it's not big enough to bring satisfaction, not for me anyways. "You are not failing me," he said to me last night. I wish I could believe it. Knowing that he means it doesn't stop the 3 am panic attack when I wake up wishing I hadn't snapped at him, or wondering if I remembered to send an email to a senator, or if I'll wake up in time to make it to class. There's so much on my mind all the time that when I'm calm for a minute, I instantly think that I've forgotten to do something.
I think I spent 2 hours in the office this entire week. The rest of my days were filled with meetings, conference calls, and focus groups. A schedule like that makes me feel crazy - I don't like coming in to get something and seeing Jake for 2 minutes, knowing that I have half an hour's worth of stuff to tell him. I don't like not even thinking about homework until 10 o'clock at night, when all I want to do is stare at the ceiling and listen to music. I don't like eating every single meal in a class or a meeting, and I don't like thinking of nothing except for how to make it through tomorrow. This is not the pace at which I want to live my life - this is not the kind of person I want to be...something needs to change.