Midnight (well, kind of) Snack

Onion sesame sticks and low sodium, organic veggie juice....yummy...

Another day, another dollar, another war, another tower
Went up where the homeless had their homes
Jewel

We walked to breakfast in the rain yesterday and I couldn't help but notice all the condos and lofts that are being or have been built in the last year or two. My first reaction is 'Why would anyone with $200,000 want to live in my neighborhood?' It's well known as one of the worst parts of Minneapolis. Cops patrol places like Downtown and Uptown but south Minneapolis? Nope - they really could care less. There's a random shooting in Uptown and it's all over the news - there's shootings in this neighborhood nearly everyday - someone was killed in a driveby in front of our building 3 weeks ago, no news coverage....
There's a homeless lady that spends her days pushing phone books around in a stroller. Stores where clerks only speak Spanish or Hmong...
Independent, ultra liberal, granola munching coffee shops and ethnic food places....
Why do upper middle class people want to live here?
The scary answer is that most of them don't. They want to invest now, with thoughts that Uptown will expand into my neighborhood - they'll have good land at a relatively decent price. Ghetto revitalized - the police are bound to patrol here now. But they forgot something...
THE POOR PEOPLE. Where will they live???
What about the lady who pushes around phone books...or the students who can't afford to live closer to the U campus?
The Somalians and Mexicans who find comfort here in a building where it always smells like some kind of ethnic food and english speakers are the minority?
My neighborhood has character that comes from people coming together in their struggle to make a life for themselves. Starbucks and Gap and Cub and Target have no place here.
Spyhouse and Evergreen and Pizza Luce and the Wedge - they belong here.
It's sickening that people's desire to have the 'American dream' is leading to a world full of cookie cutter living spaces.

I need to run...it's the only way my brain processes overwhelming information without exploding.

Reality Check

I have an interview.
At a middle school.
In the bronx.
At a school with bars on the windows.

Holy shitballs - I am not qualified to teach middle school. The kicker is neither are very many other people in TFA.

Part of me welcomes the challenge.
Part of me really wants kids I can hug and who laugh at my jokes. I am way too uncool to teach middle school...

"You love yourself, and you love him. Proceed honestly and openly in the way you both feel comfortable...it's the only truly organic way to do it."

As Is

what bugs me
is that you believe what you're saying
what bothers me
is that you don't know how you feel
what scares me
is that while you're telling me stories
you actually
believe that they are real
and i've got
no illusions about you
and guess what?
i never did
and when i said
when i said i'll take it
i meant, i meant as is

cuz when i look around
i think this, this is good enough
and i try to laugh
at whatever life brings
cuz when i look down
i just miss all the good stuff
when i look up
i just trip over things
Ani DiFranco

Will I ever be able to relax and take people and life as they are without some compulsive desire to change things?
There comes a point in relationships where you take the person...history, memories, faults, and fears, and you commit to walk with them through whatever life brings.
Sometimes the decision is more than we'd bargained for...

So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
Frou Frou

Big decisions are just around the corner, in spite of my attempts to turn and run the other way.

Hand In Hand They Go...Off To The Petting Zoo

2 of my favorite people...

They will see us waving from such great heights,
'Come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'Come down now,' but we'll stay...
The Postal Service

I'm ready.
To move and teach and explore and begin the next chapter in my life.
I wish I could leave now...tonight...because when the time actually comes to move and teach and explore and begin new chapters I never feel quite this ready...

On The Road Again

In 26 hours I will be eating pizza and playing with my niece and preparing for 10 days of warmer weather and celebrations galore.
Happy vacation to me!!!

The Sum of It

Hippies and little kids and musicians and people who believe that all government is evil and white men are out to get us...
People so consumed with politics and what legislator said what and what word got changed in what bill and who's going to win the next election...
Organic brussel sprouts and unsalted peanut butter (gross, but better for you) and cupcakes that are...well...not organic or unsalted...
A boy struggling to make it and parents with two very different daughters who are still dependent on them in their own ways...a sister who can be so strong and so weak in a single conversation and a niece who is finally learning how to say my name...ailing grandparents who have so much to live for that they their spirits refuse to let go...
Friends discovering themselves and having the strength to be completely honest about their journey...
Homes and family across the country and dreams that seem to be coming true...
These are the choices and the people that make up my life.