My Journey

Friday, March 31, 2006

Voices

One of many pics from yesterday. 1200 day care providers, teachers, parents, and kids + the Teddy Bear band + a rainy morning spent getting signatures for our cause on the steps of the capitol + 4 hours spent delivering packets to legislators= 1 very sore, yet invigorated girl.
I felt so incredibly in my element. Around little kids at the capitol - advocating for and interacting with them.
And I got paid.
Seriously - does it get better than that???

And for those of you who were wondering, the kids thought the gay marriage protesters (all 8 of them) walking around blowing their kazoos were pretty cool.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Done

Recovering and learning how to breathe again.
No more being on edge every day...10 minute lunch breaks...angry students I can't reach because I didn't have the time...no more investing partially because I didn't have the opportunity to invest fully.
It will start again - the long days and restless sleep and going the extra mile...but before then I get a break. To run and do yoga and hike and laugh and sleep and nanny and advocate and go home and re-center.
For the next 8 weeks I'll nanny and do public policy/organizing for Ready 4 K. Each day will be different and work will not come home with me. I'll be happier and healthier and ready to face whatever NYC has waiting for me.
I never thought the day would come that I would graduate and be happy about it...like college was the best time of my life and when it was over I would spend the rest of my life reminiscing. With my diplomas in the mail and tons of growth behind me, I'm pretty dang sure that the best is yet to come.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Saturday started at 7:30 with the boy leaving for work and me to consumed with my to do list to fall back asleep.
Start laundry.
Clean up bread dough (stick...messy...smelly) that somehow got spilled all over the floor. (Sorry to B for the blame and thanks mom for the clean up tips!)
Get yelled at by random grumpy tennant in my apartment. Excuse me if at the moment I'm using both washers but there's only 2 for a building with over 100 people in it AND I haven't done laundry in my apartment building for over a month so I think I have the right to use both of them for 25 minutes. Don't project your grumpiness on my Saturday.
Need to clean apartment and organize clothes and go through the freezer and food cabinet and post my TFA resume which isn't even written yet.
I need to start my student teaching portfolio which, at this point, should be close to done. I need to put dishes away so I can do other dishes and I need to have a long, hard workout.
I have this overwhelming need for everything to be in it's place, neatly, now, so that I can have a weekend of clean, organized serenity. Why does that never seem to work out?
And how did the 10 year old version of me ever stand a completely trashed room and watching TV all day?
I'm totally turning in to my parents...

Monday, March 13, 2006

Just Another Manic Monday

5 am - Wake up to no electricity. Panic. What time is it? Realize it's only 5, toss and turn until 6.
6 am - Trudge out of bed to the bathroom. Flip the light switch. No lights. Brush teeth, walk to look out window. Exclaim, Holy shit! with toothbrush still in mouth - call cooperating teacher. It seems we've had some snow and every school in the area is closed except us - it must be a mistake.
6:30 am - Alas - it's not a mistake. Get ready in record time so I'm not late.
6:45 am - Begin the process of digging out my car. Get soaked.
7:00 am - Change clothes.
7:05 am - Fall down stairs running to car - damn slippery shoes.
7:05 - 8:00 am - Curse snow. Would curse traffic but there was none. All the smart people stayed home.
8:00 am - Arrive at school. No power. No heat. Send all 4 kids who showed up home. Try to do some work while wearing my coat, hat, and mittens. Listen to teacher vent about a district that didn't cancel school (even though there was no power), and would not let them go home without taking a sick day (even though we all drove and risked our lives in the first place, and the people who did take a sick day were at home in warm houses with pajamas on.)
10:00 am - Leave school. Attempt to go home. Interstate on-ramp is closed. Go to Brandon's instead.
10:45 am - Hop like a one legged bunny through the snow drift driveway.
11:00 am - Hop like a one legged bunny back through the snow drift driveway.
11:01 am - Stuck. Get pushed by one boy - still stuck. Shovel out car. Still stuck.
11:15 am - Pushed by three boys - stuck. Pushed again - stuck blocking the entire street. Pushed again. Burning rubber and cheering boys signal my freedom. I run the stop sign, for fear of being stuck again.
Noon - Make it home. The road I take is shut down an hour later for being too dangerous to drive on.
12:05 pm - Drive around parking lot trying to find a spot that isn't a snow drift. Realize the whole lot is a snow drift....
12:06 pm - Claim one section of the giant snow drift as mine, give er some onion (as Brandon would say) and lodge myself in to a parking spot.
12:08 pm - Look out window at car - realize snow is deeper than my wheels. Laugh at how funny it looks. Realize that it will not be nearly as funny at 7 in the morning tomorrow.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

So where is the passion when you need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Daniel Powter

I hate the fact that they're out of control and that they have no respect for people and that they come to school with a chip on their shoulder that's larger than their little 7 year old bodies but what I hate the most is that I would love for nothing more than for them to rise above but most of them won't because it's not what they live and I'm only temporary to them and the poverty and violence and survival attitude are all permanent.
It takes away my ability to leave them at school and my head is pounding and my heart hurts and there's a lump in my throat because I've given it everything I could and they aren't succeeding and they DON'T CARE.

My spirit needs a weekend.

Monday, March 06, 2006

South Dakota bans abortion. (Or attempts to...I highly doubt it will ever make it past the Supreme Court, if it goes that far...)
They're re-building levees in New Orleans to be "as good as they were before," according to CBS news. Parts of the levee are built out of dirt. Why not make them BETTER? There's a concept...
So many of my kids are homeless or failing or simply left behind in a world that has forgotten about them.
What is our world coming to?

I saw a bumper sticker today that summed it up well...
IF YOU'RE NOT OUTRAGED, YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION.

What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna go to school tomorrow and shove inspiration and and information down all of their throats and make them want to change something.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

And slowly the pieces come back together.
I have a future...a job...and 2 months to be in transition.
My apartment is clean, there's healthy food in the fridge, and I'm ready for tomorrow.
Phew.
That was a little crazy.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Chaos just entered my life with reckless abandon.