Moments

Will, the music teacher, was using a puppet monkey to help teach his lesson.
"I have a duck and when I stick my hand up its butt it quacks," said a student.
He paused, shot me a look, and we laughed.
"I bet it does," said Will.

Stadiums

Yesterday on MPR they had a story on the potential new stadium for the Vikings/Twins/Gophers.
While the whole story pissed me off, the quote that made me scream at the radio was, "The Twins, Vikings, and Gophers want a new stadium." Like THAT is the reason that the state should invest over $100 million into the damn thing.
Well, dear Legislators, this is what I want.
I want to be able to go to school and not have to work 30 hours a week in addition to taking out $5000 in loans to pay for it.
I want to teach kids in a large classroom with all the necessary equipment and not have to waste dozens of instruction days on your standardized tests.
I want my friends who can't afford insurance to be able to get the medical care they need.
I want my students at the Y to be well taken care of. Many of their parents can't even afford to buy food and diapers.
I want people to be able to find jobs that pay more than $9/hour after graduating from college.
I want to not have the urge to pack my bags and leave the country after every speech I hear our president make.
There are things our state needs a lot more than a stadium. Help the people that need it, and let the whiney professional athletes, their coaches, and the team owner pay for their own stadium.

Decision

Leaving
Because it's been too long since I've had coffee with him, ate at my favorite Indian restaurant with him, slept in with him...had a face-to-face conversation with him.
There's a trend here.
My heart is telling me something.
It's telling me that next weekend I will hang out with my friends and enjoy this town.
This weekend I will drive in my car to my favorite CDs to a place where the time is bound to go just a little too fast.

Dilema

Reasons to Stay
Wine and Cheese Party
Pirate Party
Homecoming
Being in town the same weekend as my friends

Reasons to Go
I said I would long before any of this other stuff came up
If I don't I won't see him for 2 more weeks
Redemption for the wedding we skipped last week

Freaking A

Bath Time!

Is it just me, or does she look like Swany in this picture?

I went to bed last night wanting nothing more than to not be in this town. To be at home with my family, or in the cities with him. I curled up in my bed, slept on the side he usually sleeps on, and tried to find comfort in the fact that I didn't have to get up to an alarm for the first time in 2 weeks.
I woke up refreshed, looking forward to a hike with a friend, and ready to appreciate the time I have left here. The small town. The lake, the State Parks all around us, the people who have made this place what it is to me.
In 3 months I will be leaving for a city that gave me life but also made me long for blue skys and forests full of trees and clean air.
After that comes a state far away. More skyscrapers and people and noise. Possibly the biggest city I will live in my entire life. So, for now, I will resist the urge to escape every weekend and learn to enjoy what I have left here.

He is sick and I'm not there to make him soup or rub his back until he falls asleep.
The people there are not bothering to bring him medicine or food or even keep him company.
This bothers me much more than it does him, and tonight, for the first time all semester, I am MAD MAD MAD at the miles between us.
3 more months...
Grrrr.

If you're unhappy, something in your life is causing it and it's up to you to change it.
-Amy-

Gamble Everything For Love

love me with an open heart
tell me anything
we can find a place to start to gamble everything
we can set this thing apart
cos were gonna
gonna gamble everything for love
ben lee

As the point in the semester nears when people are venturing home for homecooked meals and free laundry, I find myself more and more homesick....
For food and laundry and sleeping in and no pressure to do anything except for hang out with people that I miss more and more everyday.
The little 'rugrat' (as Brandon affectionately calls her) is growing up and I am missing it.
I'm missing the warmth that is fall in Kansas.
Weddings and birthdays and other milestone events are experienced through pictures.
It's a result of a choice I made on my own and continued to make every time I made the 13 hour drive back.
Most of the time I know I'm where I belong, but other times I fall asleep with my body in one bed, my heart and mind in another.

Dear Shit Head Hicks,

I know that you, in your teenage/early adult stage, think that it is cool to throw things out of your truck window at girls riding bikes.
You must think that I really like it when you rev your engine at me.
A little word of advice. Throwing open, full pop bottles out of your window at a passing cyclist is not a way to get girls.
If I had even a grain of confidence in the Bemidji Police Department I would write down your license plate number, but I don't, so I didn't. Tonight was the third time in a month. Next time I will write it down. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that anything will happen to you.
You will probably go on, driving your fat, out of shape, redneck camouflaged asses around and hitting on girls you wouldn't have a chance in hell with.
A little word of advice.
Karma is a bitch.
Sincerely,
Julie

Back

A concert.
A festival.
A movie.
A game.
Moments in between filled with laughter and conversation and the amazing feeling that comes from being next to him.
It's what I needed and it went a little to fast.
It always does...I think that's a good thing.

Overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed.
So many good things.
Not enough time to share or experience any of them fully.
Need to relax and find peace.
Be centered.

Tomorrow I see a boy.
A boy who planned a weekend full of together time.
No stress time.
Be who you are and nobody else time.
I can't wait.

Everyday Moments

Are what bring people together.
They create the bond that pulls them through the not so everyday moments.
When daily smiles and tears, successes and failures are not shared, you have an unexpected wrinkle that could either add character or be the beginning of the end of something that should have lasted.

The days go so fast. Too fast.
There's not enough time to do all of the things I want to do.
It's 8 am, then lunch time, then 3 pm. All that happens in between is a joyful blur.
I love it.
If I choose to, I can do this for the rest of my life.
Sweet.

The Perfect End

The perfect end to a great day is a bike ride with a roomate to see friends around town.
Things are ending and on their heels new things are beginning.
Until things are finalized there will be no elaboration.
It's left me feeling refreshed and healthy and in control.
I'm getting my life back.

4 Years Ago...

My future home...and the rest of the country for that matter...changed forever.

My head hurts...and my stomach hurts...my left eye is throbbing and my hand is numb from typing for hours on end.
This office gives me anxiety.
All I can think of is how nice it is outside and how weekends used to be my time to recharge and now they're spent here...wishing away the hours so that I can go home and sleep...and I get tears in my eyes at work.
This is not good.
I cannot do this for 3 more months.

3 1/2 hours into a 10 hour shift.
My job today is to retype the staff manual. 13 pages. Front and back. Single spaced. So really it's 26 pages...or 52 double spaced.
This is not an effecient use of time. Especially on a nice day.
Weekends should be re-charging time.
Sleeping in time.
Making food time.
Instead I'm eating cheese and crackers and staring at a computer, typing until my wrist goes numb.
This is not fun.
This is not how I want to spend my last semester at college.
But I also have to pay for my last semester at college.
Money sucks.
Note to self: 70 hour weeks are not fun. Do not schedule them ever again in your life.

The Moon Song

I like the sun
When it shines
On the moon
At night

I like the way
That you smile
When you feel
Just right

I like the wind
When it blows
You close
To me

I like the way
That you hold
Me the way
You do

I like the way
That you say
You'll always
Stay
Bob Schneider

And I miss you. The way you laugh when I do something stupid. The way you smell and how it feels with your arms wrapped around my waist.
But I'm proud of us for making it this far. It's better this time, just like you said it would be.
Everyone should be so lucky to have someone like you believing in them.

I've never regretted dropping a class or a meeting or a job or other committment to spend time with people who are important to me.
I didn't miss the knowledge or the connections or the money.
I need to think about that.

I need something.
I don't know what.
I feel restless and overwhelmed, selfish and over-extended, all at the same time.
I'm lacking friend time and family time and alone time and gym time.
And boy time. He was just here. It made me miss him more.
And sleep.
Maybe working 4 - 11 after being at school from 7:30 - 3:30 wasn't such a good idea.

First Day With Students

Was fun.
Not processed yet...but it will be soon. Read here for an update.
As I left the parking lot I couldn't help but think....
I miss my toddlers.

Katrina Relief Meeting

For everyone that has been complaining that BSU isn't doing any thing for hurricane victims...
First of all, quit bitching and do something damnit. BSU isn't an institution - it's a group of people, of which you are one. If BSU isn't doing anything, it's because YOU aren't doing anything.
Second of all, there's a hurrican relief meeting tomorrow (Tuesday) from 4:30 - 6 pm in the Crying Wolf Room. It will be interesting to see if the complainers are there.

News From Home...

Sometimes makes me feel selfish for being here.
For being far away.
For not calling enough...or writing enough.
For the fact that I will always be the aunt...and the daughter...and the grandaughter...and the neice...and the cousin...who lives far away.
And because I was playing mini golf while the people who raised me were gathered around a hospital bed.

Julie + Simon = One Semi-Clean Apartment

Tonight me and the toddler cat (known lovingly as Simon) cleaned the house.
I swept, he chased the broom. After all of the dirt was in a nice pile, he rolled around in it, then tracked it all over the floor, causing me to sweep again, which gave him much joy as he once again chased the broom.
I scrubbed, and he nibbled at my hand.
I vacuumed, and he took shelter in the plant, only to jump down and once again leave dirt all over the floor.

The World Exploded Into Love All Around Me

Oh is our life just an illusion
There is no need to figure it out
The separation exists not in your love filled heart
But only in your mind
The real story's all around you
Even now it surrounds you
Even now I feel the power
The world exploded into love all around me
The world exploded into love all around me
And everytime I take a look around me
I have to smile
Bob Schneider

In 2 hours I can hug him and hold his hand and tell him about my day without holding a phone to my ear.
Yay.

Links

I need somebody to show me how to do them again.
I forgot.

Today I ate ice cream (make with cow milk) twice AND a brownie.
And potato salad twice.
All in the name of free food.
I can feel the nastiness running through my blood.
All the refined carbs and sugar have given me a headache.
Not enough sleep. Not enough of my food.
Tomorrow I will reject free food and be nicer to my body.