Thugs in Diapers

Yesterday he told me he was a thug.
Today when I got to work he was asleep on his cot, cuddling with a plastic doll.
He begs to do the Hokey Pokey, and giggles for a good 10 minutes when I call him 'Eric nugget'.
He loves animal crackers, soy milk, and being lifted up to touch the ceiling.
Yeah...he's a thug alright.

Shutdown

"We should go pee on Pawlenty's lawn since there are no rest stops."
Brandon

Anybody up for it???

Adjusted

So this is what we fought for.
Dinner and coffee and movies with air popped pop corn. Trips to see our families. Sleeping in the same bed after a bad day. Not seeing him for a few days and feeling perfectly normal.
The security of knowing that we're okay, even though we don't spend every free moment together.
It's what we had, what I think we could always have...and it's nice.

The Smurf Speaks

The United States must stay the course, he said, because to do so amounts to "laying the foundation of peace for our children and our grandchildren."
What will be left for our children and grandchildren? So far you've given us more standardized tests, drilling in a wildlife refuge, and piles of lies. Have you stopped to look around your own country lately? Not Haliburton or your Yale buddies, but the normal, everyday people...maybe the people who were nieve enough to vote for you again?
Rarr - you make me mad.
By the way - last time I checked it was pretty hard to stand down.
("Our strategy can be summed up this way," he said. "As the Iraqis stand up, we will stand down." )

Looking more like her daddy every day... 

Baking and Processing

25 minutes until the banana bread is done. Spent the day in a funky mood, thinking about people and lives and how they turn out so differently.
Last night was fun, but different than I thought it would be.
Most of the people were married...a lot had kids. More than once I was called his wife by people who obviously didn't know him. We laughed about it and quickly corrected them. There's no ring on my finger people, and we're perfectly okay with that.
Many of the 'married with kids' people looked old...mid to late 30s, and as I looked at Brandon I saw the person who sticks his lip out to make a sad face, just because it makes me laugh...who turns his hat backwards and sings really loud in the car - God he's cute when he does that. How are they so old and he's...well...not?
A decade was repeatidly summed up a 5 minute conversation that consisted of where you live, what you do for a career, if you're married, and if you have kids. If you knew someone well the 5 minutes is extended to 10, maybe 15, and topics such as college and old high school stories are covered. For the most part it was all very superficial, and at times I felt like I had more in common with these complete strangers than they did with each other.
I left feeling comfortable with where I am and where we are. People were married, with real jobs, kids, a house...everything we're programmed to want, yet they weren't that happy. In fact, I think we were happier than many of the couples we met. The distance and drama that accompanied it...the tension that comes from wanting different things out of life...none of it can take away the chemistry and the trust that's at the core of our relationship.
I'll remind myself of that daily, not comparing myself and our relationship to the people around us, but accepting it for what it is and what it isn't and being happy with what we've made together.

Reunion

10 years ago he had just graduated.
He didn't know who he was or what he wanted to do with his life.
Neither did many of the people who crossed the stage with him, I'm guessing.
Slowly he figured it out.
The process of figuring it out has given him lots of stories to tell.
Many of them he tells numerous times, and I listen just like it was the first time.
This weekend all of those 18 year olds who didn't know what they wanted to do with their life will come back together. They will drink over priced drinks and eat over priced appetizers and tell stories about the last 10 years.
I'll get to be there. To listen, and laugh, and go home with him at the end of the day, knowing more about the past that led him to me.

Table Breaking Baseball Player

Drinks with an old friend were what I needed to feel understood and secure in this new city where I still feel so temporary.
There was so much to tell him, yet so much he already knew.
He's still like my brother, and there's still something there that I never really understood.
Either way it felt good to hang out with him tonight.
"We should do something again soon," he said. And when he said he would call, I knew that he would.

I used to think that if only we could be in the same city, see each other on a regular basis, that I would have my fill.
That I would have this desire to spend time alone and with other people. That the burning desire to see him and hang out with him would go away.
It hasn't. I saw him for a small part of the last 5 days. That's got to be a record for us. Yet still I find myself wanting to hang out and watch movies and drink coffee. It's not that other people, or even alone time, doesn't make me happy...it does.
I just thought we would get tired of each other...and it's turning out to be just the opposite. The more time I spend with him, the more time want to spend with him. Ugh...I'm not looking forward to the way things used to be :(

No Hiking or Peeing

An article about what a government shutdown would mean for 'regular' people (no rest areas or state parks for starters).
We were ranting about it at my internship today (both of the budgets for early childhood have yet to be passed.)
Every single one of our legislators, or at least party leadership ON BOTH SIDES deserves to be gone. For the second year in a row they've screwed the people of Minnesota but what do they care - they're getting paid!
If you're Gov. Tim Pawlenty or a state legislator ... No worries, mates, about your next paychecks. You took care of yourselves by enacting the state government finance bill during the regular session.

Show Me The Debt

Does anybody else ever have mini panic attacks about money, or the lack thereof?
I have a job. I have 2 actually. I haven't not had a job since I went on Eurospring. Before that, I haven't not had a job since I was 16.
But because of school, which I know is an 'investment', I am still poor, and getting more poor every day.
I will student teach for a whole year. I also have to take 3 night classes. There is no way in hell I am going to be able to work and do the lovely long distance relationship thing again.
I just want to have a real job with a real paycheck so that I can budget and not live on loans anymore.
I'm good with money, I promise. But first I need to have some.

Whaaaaaaaa

I didn't know changing my template would lose all my links.
Everybody is just gonna be unlinked for a while.
Sad.
But check out the one campaign (click on the banner). It's some good stuff.

After the hanging out...at the end of the day...I can feel us slipping away. It's the scariest feeling in the world.

It Tastes Like Memories

Julie A...a liquor store in Rosemont sells Strongbow!
I drank it last night and thought of you...

I Got Married

I had a dream last night that Brandon and I got married, only our moms planned the wedding, and we just showed up in our pajamas.
The cake was a chocolate bunny cake with pink frosting. There were 5 of them.
Little bells were the center pieces, and none of my friends were there.
When I got there the reception had already started and people were dancing in a room that looked like the Northern Inn, with the tables set up and a small dance floor.
There were no decorations, no lights on the dance floor, just a smokey bar.
I held Brandon's hand and said, "Maybe this is a dream."
Then I woke up.
Wierd.
No getting married for a long time. No pink bunny cakes, no smokey bars, no Northern Inn tables, no dark rooms.
My brain needs to stop thinking about this, this is not what I want for my life right now.

Exactly

Because we are trained that getting married is a right of passage. Plus who doesn't want to have a day that was planned by them and is everything they want.
Getting married feels like you've succeeded and found the one you're supposed to be with and now you can start your life.
But we just have to keep telling ourselves - it is okay if I wait and do the things I had planned for my life. When the time is right I will get married and it will be wonderful then. I don't have to do it now:)
**************************
She's so right.

Our organizer at my internship got back from his honeymoon today. Austrailia - snorkeling, exploring in caves, hanging out on the beach. They're tan and happy and in love. Everybody here loves his wife. "They're so good together," people lamented after they left.
Brandon went home and helped his sister book a photographer. He'll be preforming the ceremony. They're planning a big reception. They've been dating for 3 months. How do you know after 3 months?
I know I'm not ready to get married. There's a lot of things I really like about being single, or at least not married, and a lot of plans in the next few years that marriage would only complicate...so why is it hard for me to hear about other people's wedding plans? Feeling like I'm missing out on something, even though I know I'm not.

Off to a good start...

Perfect way to start the morning...
Waking up before the alarm, running in sunny, but cool morning weather with only the birds and local traffic to keep me company.
Reading stories about people I miss on their blogs.
An email from an old friend who's in town for the summer. I haven't seen him in over a year, and suddenly he lives 20 minutes away.
Wahoo!
This is going to be a great day.

Solitude

Living alone gets old after a while. No cable, no homework, no friends just down the street. I come home, eat left overs, and waste time until it's time to fall asleep. I should be reading or writing or cleaning...something. But without people around to give me energy I spend most of my time staring at the ceiling, thinking about nothing at all. I miss interacting with people...having conversations with people that are over the age of 3.
I wouldn't call it lonely...just a realization that this type of complete solitude isn't really for me.

An autopsy on Terri Schiavo backed her husband's contention that she was in a persistent vegetative state, finding that she had massive and irreversible brain damage and was blind, the medical examiner's office said Wednesday. It also found no evidence that she was strangled or otherwise abused.
Everybody that turned this in to a political battle over life (abortion) needs to read this article, then get on with their lives.

Less chaos, More biting

We rearranged the classroom today. It took three hours, 2 guys, a vacuum, and me. There's less open space and more defined play areas. We hoped it would cut down on the noise and random running around.
It did.
Amazing to know that what I learned in my infant and toddler classes actually comes in handy sometimes.
******************
Meanwhile the kid that bites is still biting. Today he almost broke the skin of another girl. I don't understand...At 2 years old he's already been kicked out of a center, and if some people had their way he'd be kicked out of ours. At home he's treated like a grown up in all the wrong situations and has way too much life experience than his little brain can handle. It makes me want to take him home, thinking that somehow, some way, I would figure out how to do a better job than his single parent is doing. 'Don't judge,' says the little voice in my head. 'BUT THE SYSTEM IS GOING TO FAIL THIS KID,' says the big voice in my head. 'DO SOMETHING.' So I try, fearing that the 3 months I have with him just won't be enough.

The other day I accidentally shot a rubber band across the room. I was trying to show him that it was elastic - it streches. But it shot through the air, over the plastic house, and landed by the window. He'd never seen one do that before. We laughed and laughed and laughed...harder than I've laughed in a really long time.
Today he woke up from his nap and exclaimed, "Hi Julie!" He extended his arms in the universal language that says pick me up and I did. He laid on my shoulder for a good 5 minutes, then went on with his usual hyper activity, returning every so often to hug my legs.
She fell off of a tricycle today. She shouldn't have even been on it. It was way too big for her. But she was, and she fell off, and another teacher picked her up to comfort her but she kicked until she was put down, then ran to me as fast as she could, tripping and falling once again along the way.
When we turn the lights on after nap time, they say 'YEA!' so loud that it makes people outside the room turn and look.
They think it's the greatest thing in the world to poop in a 'big kid' toilet, and they love to 'hide' their shoes and socks in the trash can.
They make me look forward to going to work, even on a Monday when they're high off of sugar and a little too much weekend fun.
The 20 little people I spend my afternoons with amazing. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a group of toddlers affect the way they look at the world.

Newsflash to all the people caught in the 'I'm graduating from college it's time to get married' phase. YOU DO NOT.
Maybe if people figured out who they were before making a life long committment half of all marriages wouldn't end in divorce.

When he came over for dinner yesterday he remembered to bring everything he said he would.
This morning, before he left, he made the bed without me even asking him to. He hates making the bed.
I've realized that wanting back what we used to be is a waste of time. A year has passed and we are both different people. We've grown and changed as individuals and as a couple and I can't expect either one of us to be exactly who we were because we're not.
I kind of like the new him. The one that admits that he can't always 'fix it' or understand me...and I kind of like the new me - the one that is learning to say exactly what she feels without worrying that it will be used against me in a moment of weakness.
We still have points of contention, but without them it would be boring. They keep us real and interesting to each other. He is not a carbon copy of me, but instead someone who inspires and educates me.
I'm working on falling in love with him, with us, again, and I will keep doing it again...and again....and again....over and over for the rest of my life if we are going to stay together. I need to love who he is today - not who he was yesterday or who he will be tomorrow, and only hope that he does the same.

Special Sessions

Do legislators get paid for special session? Cause they shouldn't. You don't get your crap done, you finish it on your own time and money damnit.

What's the Matter With Kansas?

Angry, defiant legislators say justices' school ruling went too far
By Chris Moon
The Capital-Journal

How serious are they?
Better yet, how many of them are there?
Those questions are being asked about Republicans who continue to talk in dire tones about responding to a unanimous Kansas Supreme Court ruling that ordered the Legislature to add $285 million to public schools.
One defiant lawmaker says the Legislature should ignore the justices and force the issue into the federal court system. Another suggested legislators boycott the upcoming special session.
Either option likely would force the Supreme Court to use some powerful tools at its disposal -- including shutting down the state school system until lawmakers bolster spending.
But some angry legislators are undaunted.
"I believe the Legislature's duty is to disregard this unconstitutional and unpermissive order of the court," said Rep. Eric Carter, R-Overland Park, a lawyer. "Either way, we are in a full-fledged constitutional crisis."
But others say there is more bluster than substance to those proposals.
"Legislators love to be interviewed by the press and love to have these kinds of dramatic things going on," said Rep. Marti Crow, D-Leavenworth. "But judges don't."
Also a lawyer, Crow was one of the leading critics of a plan passed by the 2005 Legislature that would add $142 million to public schools.
The Kansas Supreme Court on Friday said the measure wasn't enough to make the school finance system constitutional. Justices ordered lawmakers to double it -- to $285 million -- by July 1.
Gov. Kathleen Sebelius will convene a special session of the Legislature on June 22 to respond to the court order. Some legislative committees will return early, starting June 16.
But the dissenters, mostly conservative Republicans who supported the original plan, aren't ready to raise taxes, cut budgets or expand gambling just because the court told them to do so. They say the justices went beyond their authority to tell lawmakers how to do their job -- right down to the last dollar. The job of the courts, they say, is to judge the constitutionality of laws, not dictate precisely how to fix them.
Some of those lawmakers were gathering for a meeting Tuesday night in Wichita.
"We're just trying to look at all the options," said Rep. Brenda Landwehr, R-Wichita, who called the meeting. She wasn't sure how many would attend.
But saying the ruling represented a breach in the idea of separation of powers, Carter said Tuesday that lawmakers should pass nothing during the special session. He said the ruling showed the "nonelected judiciary's willingness to usurp the will of the people."
Carter said public school spending is a legislative question similar to how much the state should spend on roads or prisons.
But if the Legislature follows Carter's advice and ignores the court, justices could place a stop on education spending, which essentially would close schools. Carter said the attorney general's office then could sue in federal court, alleging the state courts were violating federal laws guaranteeing a free public education.
"If the judiciary sits on its high horse and says we're not going to educate these kids this year because we're a bunch of bullies, they will quickly find themselves embarrassed at the hands of a federal judge," Carter said.
Meanwhile, Rep. Frank Miller, R-Independence, distributed an e-mail to legislators offering a string of ideas about how to respond to the court.
Among them, he said lawmakers simply could boycott the special session. Or they could launch impeachment proceedings against the state's six Supreme Court justices.
"We need to put a stop into the activist agenda of our courts," he wrote.
Miller admits some of those ideas won't fly.
"They're more on the order of Rush Limbaugh humor," he said.
But he said he is serious about not moving just because the court said so.
"I don't know what they could do to us," he said, "throw us in jail or what?"
Miller said the only way he would support increasing school spending was if the Legislature offers $5,000-per-year vouchers to allow parents to send their children to private schools -- an idea often ridiculed by the education lobby.
Vouchers, Miller said, would inject competition into the education system to force public schools to be more accountable with their money.
"The schools very much need reform," he said. "I'm talking about major, major reform."
But others, even though forcefully opposed to the Supreme Court's action, are advocating a more measured approach.
It would be difficult to challenge the Supreme Court ruling in federal court, said Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman John Vratil, R-Leawood. What federal judge, he asked, would want to challenge the state Supreme Court over a state issue like school funding?
"If you were a federal judge, would you want to be in that position?" Vratil asked.
Vratil said he agreed the Supreme Court infringed on the Legislature's territory by not only declaring a law unconstitutional but also telling the Legislature exactly how to fix it.
"I think the Supreme Court has overstepped its proper role, and that balance has to be re-established," he said. But, he added, "Those may be issues to consider at another time."
House Judiciary Chairman Mike O'Neal, R-Hutchinson, an author of the school finance plan rejected by the court, said he was against "thumbing our noses at the court." But he said reaching a solution that could pass both the House and Senate may be impossible.
"There may be a consensus reached that we've gone as far as we can go," he said. "The court can't tell me how to vote."
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The link doesn't work unless you're registered (I don't think), and people need to read this article. This is what psycho conservatives and no tax pledges do to states. Rarr - I'm pissed. States need to start valuing education more than they do big tax returns or they're going to have a bunch of idiots running the place. Wait...they already do.
Let's see if Bush comes in to save his precious conservatives from the WOMAN DEMOCRAT GOVERNOR. (I voted for her - thank God for the little bit of blue in the red state).
Everybody should write my governor a thank you note. Here's where you can do it.

Love=Peanuts and Spaghetti

I wanted thai food.
We were supposed to go to a concert.
Work was crazy and I didn't get to eat all afternoon.
I get sick when I don't eat.
I was tired and hungry and grumpy so we didn't go to the concert.
He went to Perkins with his friends.
He was supposed to read my mind and know I wanted to go out for thai food with him.
Someday I will learn to stop expecting that from him.
2 hours later he comes over, offering to cook for me.
I still wanted thai.
He went to the grocery store.
It was closed.
He went to the gas station.
He came home with peanuts and spaghetti.
'What are you doing?' I asked.
'I'm going to make thai with peanuts and spaghetti,' he said.
I thought it was a joke, but he was serious.
I told him there was no way he could make thai with that, and we made something else.
But he tried and it made me realize that little things like that are what I take for granted.
Little things like that are what you get when you live in the same city.
Oh how I love the little things....

Liyah reading 

Liyah and Dad 

Visitor

From the day that we met 2 summers ago we clicked. We'd both been elected in to positions we felt somewhat underqualified for, and we found comfort in knowing that we weren't in it alone. Through 2 terms we grew up together. When things with Senate were really bad...or really good...he was the first person I called. Somewhere along the way we became like brother and sister, and even though Senate is over for both of us, that relationship is still there.
I didn't know he was coming yesterday until he was here. We spent the night talking about the future and relationships and how we were both having a little more trouble adjusting to living alone than we would like to admit.
It was fun...comfortable.
"I'll call you next time I'm driving and I'm bored," he said.
"That's when I always call you," I laughed.
"I know," he replied.
And then he left, both of us feeling a little more at home than before.